Assertive- General Advice

EXPECT SURPRISE AND EVEN OPPOSITION
it has taken a lifetime to get you to behave the way you do now, so do not expect to change overnight. Also remember that those who are close to you will not expect your behaviour to change. THEIR MAY BE OTHERS WHO HAVE A VESTED INTEREST IN KEEPING YOU NON-ASSERTIVE OR AGGRESSIVE.

this means that when you decide to change your behaviour, as well as disciplining yourself, you must also expect surprise, even opposition, from others who know and have a vested interest in the 'OLD YOU'

BY THE INCH ITS A CINCH BUT BY THE YARD IT IS VERY HARD
it is unwise to set yourself too ambitious targets- start with acorns and let them grow slowly in oaks. go for small increments of change and build on them.

EXPECT FAILURE AND USE IT
failure is a part of change. when you try anything new, but especially behaviour, it is unlikely that you will get it right the first time. You get it wrong before you get it right. Be both realistic and resilient when you fail. If at first you dont succeed, try harder.
remember success only comes before work in a dictionary!!

ALLOW FOR SLIPPAGE
when you squeeze a ball you create an indentation, but the stop the ball reverts to its original size and shape. Human behaviour is just like the ball- it will revert back to its old comfortable ways. So expect slippage, but do not give in to it.

IT TAKES TIME
Behaviour changes slowly. Crash diets or crash exercises do not work, nor do crash behaviour changes. Just think about the simple skill of learning to drive, with the hours of instruction and practice it requires. To become assertive takes just as much time and effort, perhaps even more.

REMEMBER
THOUGHTS lead to
ACTIONS which lead to
HABITS which lead to
CHARACHTER which leads to
PERSONALITY which leads to
THE NEW YOU



JUST AS FOR SMOKERS THE BODY FIGHTS AGAINST GIVING UP NICOTINE, SO YOUR PRESENT MINDSET WILL RESIST YOU MAKING CHANGES. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR YOU SETTLE DOWN TO THE NEW ASSERTIVE YOU.


SET SMART GOALS

S - Specific- define exactly what you want
M - Measurable- what will be the success criteria
A - Appropriate- ensure they are appropriate to you
R - Realistic- they must be feasible
T - Timebound- by when are you going to do it


goals are dreams that you are going to make real. they are no miracles- you wont be the first person to fly by flapping your arms. if you were not born in America you cannot be President. If you are 55 you are not likely to be an Olympic swimmer. But you can easily be assertive by:

Stating what you want
Stating your limits
Saying 'No'
Getting what you pay for
Demanding respect
Changing your mind
Giving a speech or presentation

MOST PEOPLE FIND COMMITTING THEIR GOALS TO WRITING VERY HELPFUL

TIP
keep a log book or journal where you can record your thoughts, objectives, goals and learning points. It is good discipline and will help you marshal your thoughts, and be more specific and focused. It is also very motivating to look back and see what you have achieved.


ASSERTIVE ACTIVITIES

Personal Record
Heroes
Scripts
Cushion Talk
Chunk it Down
Giving Compliments
Find a Mentor
Feedback & Criticism
Look after Yourself and your Self-Esteem